She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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