I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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