Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(231): View more from Michigan

Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.

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(909): View more from California

I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.

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(559): View more from California

She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude

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(312): View more from Illinois

Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers

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(519): View more from Ontario

Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.

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(516): View more from New York

I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends

(1-202): View more from Washington, DC

I hate you

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