i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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