your parents love me but you hate me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
