I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Your dad touched me again.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
