I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
