Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A bitchslap is in order.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
