OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
