my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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