I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
