So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
