Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
