I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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