Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
