take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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