You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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