id be glad to
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
