I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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