those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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