Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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