a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I need to calm my uterus...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
