i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
