Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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