you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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