he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
