honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
