Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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