Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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