i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
