hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
