You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
