Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize