I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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