i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
