I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
