Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
