So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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