When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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