If i come over, it means nothing
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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