I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
