You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
