I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
