We won't sleep together?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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