and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
