im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
