cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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