Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
