I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
