Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
