She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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