In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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