Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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