this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
