That's when you crack a 10am beer
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
