i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
