that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
