i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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