i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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