i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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