So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
