If i could tip my vagina, i would.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
