I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize