so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
