The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
