He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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