I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
40s are totally the cure
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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