I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need a beard to bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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