You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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