I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
