so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
