i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
